A Lonely Valentine..

Thursday, 15th February 2007.

I couldn't understand how could I even have the courage to write my thoughts here in my blog for people to read (hoped that I had this much courage when I'm among girls.. Lol!!). Well, for most of you, or rather, for most of the people out there had a great time celebrating valentine's yesterday. No matter long distance or face to face, these people who celebrated valentine's surely had a better day than I do. Well.. I really dont wanna talk (or write) about this, but I have my own best interest in heart. Therefore, I decided that I'll feel better if I wrote it out.

I met my ex again yesterday (I thought she might not show up) together with a few of my friends. Felt awkward though I've countlessly told myself to act normal and just treat her as a normal friend. I even told her that we're still friends, but I just dunno why I couldn't make myself talk to her.. I just can't do it. I really felt sorry for not giving her any response or reply when she tried to talked to me (not sure whether did she even tried..), but the main point is, I still felt hurt and at the same time, sorry. I really wanted to apologise to her for avoiding her in such an obvious way. During lunch time, she offered to buy drinks for me and my friends, by the time she asked whether do I want any drinks.. I just pretend to continue eating my lunch and shook my head. I mean, what the heck!! I suppose to be forgiving and there I am, giving her the silent treatment and cold shoulders. I'm so useless sometimes..

I feel so very wrong when I got back to my house and thought of the day's event. I felt so that I'm so "siu hei", I felt that I'm worst than a girl or rather a small kid. I just can't describe how sorry I felt.. How wrong I felt.. She's a girl and i'm a guy.. and guys are suppose to care for the girls, to something like, give them whatever they want.. to admit wrong even if we know that the girls are wrong.. but.. My gosh!! What did I do.. After the meeting.. I just went home and drowned myself in songs.

Yea.. I know I shouldn't be so down.. I shouldn't be so gloomy and I'll bet that most of you will say that there's plenty more girls out there, and there'll be one meant for each of us.. But sometimes.. we can't control 100% our emotions.. Have you ever felt when you love someone so much, you'll swear that that person's the one you're meant to devote to forever? Well.. I could assume that I've found that person, but also maybe it's not.. I do not know for sure.. but I'm sure that the feeling I've had for her was really true.. Anyway, I feel better now that I've wrote it all out.. Happy Valentines to all of the couples out there. Cheers!!